Today's blog post is going to be more of a journal entry, I think.

Corona at work

Work is harder from home, and it's not just the loss of my triple monitor setup from work. There were pulls from my work at the office: coworkers asking for help or code reviews, meetings that could have been emails and meetings that could not have been, going for coffee with my team. Those are gone now (mostly). But there are new pulls at home: grass that needs mowed, laundry that needs folded, kids who need attention and for someone to tell them it's okay, and why they can't see all their favorite people anymore.

But the biggest detriment to getting things done these days is keeping up motivation. Without the daily commute (both ways) I miss out on my podcasts I used to follow religiously (sorry YMIATavern). Without coworkers beside you, it feels like you're working alone. And while I can work alone for a while, nothing holds my attention like it used to.

Corona out and about

We still go get ice cream sometimes (the local place is doubling cash tips). Grocery shopping is a dream. One way aisles, 1 person per cart, 6ft distance, and generally less people. I can go in and get everything my family needs, pay for it, and leave in under an hour.

Despite how nice shopping is now, we've paid for it in sit down restaurants. Many are still open for takeout/delivery, but I miss being able to chat and generally have a great time for 2 hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon with my (extended) family. Our kids miss it too, in obvious and non-obvious ways.

My wife and I did a painting class last night. Not at the local paint-n-sip, though I did go pick up materials from there. No, we did it at home, in mostly silence, on our kitchen table. It was a simpler painting than usual, but we both managed to be unhappy with it in all the usual ways. One day I'll get good at acrylic painting, but it won't be anytime soon.

Corona at home

My home is still my castle, but everyone is on a shorter fuse. Even with walking around the neighborhood, we're all feeling cooped up right now. The lack of motivation for work extends to both chores and leisure. I used to love chilling with video games, and felt incredibly spoiled for choice. Now it's hard to choose for a different reason: nothing seems interesting any more.

I still practice my piano about 6 nights out of 7, but I tried a few virtual lessons and they just aren't the same. I miss my piano teacher and her horribly out of tune piano. I miss the gentle pushes towards practicing line by line, and encouragement that I'll get it.

Corona is depressing

I've never suffered from depression in a major way before. I had some down times in high school and college when it seemed like I could never achieve all my dreams; when "chasing skirts", as my dad would say, didn't work out. Not all days are great days, and I've had my share of bad ones. Even before coronavirus, I'd get inexplicably down some days. My male friends and I used to joke in college about being on our "comma".

But I'll be darned if this thing hasn't got me down. My life prior to Coronavirus was a bit more social than I'd like. Mondays were often dinner with someone, or our only days off. Tuesdays were board game night. Wednesdays we had my wife's sister come over to help with the kids and play some games. Thursdays were small group meetings. Fridays were shopping nights. Now? The days all blend together. If it weren't for my Friday afternoon virtual happy hour I'd barely know it was the weekend. As I mentioned above, things that used to be what I looked forward to don't bring me as much joy anymore. I think I'm well and truly depressed.

Hope fully

Despite all this, I think I have just now discovered a way out, a way forward. A few years ago, my boss gave all of us engineers a field notes notebook and a little handwritten note on cardstock:

You don't have to always do your best, you just have to do better than yesterday.

He explained it to us this way: If every day were a 110% day, then in reality every day is just average. If we all wrote 1000 lines of perfect, bug free (hah) code every day, then there would never be days worth celebrating, just days. The good days are literally defined by the bad.

In this morning's message, a charming Spanish speaking man named Carlos encouraged us to have esperanza. We can have hope for the future. Corona will be with us for some as yet unknown amount of time, but these low points will allow us to see the high points better when they come around again.

Thanks for reading my rambling, and may your days eventually get better. Mine did!